Witch of Spira
by Rikkuclone
Summary: The famous musical The Wizard of OZ has turned into a Final Fantasy play. Yuna is Dorthy, Tidus is the scarecrow, Lulu is the tin man and Auron is the lion. Find out how the wizard, the good witch and the whicked witch of the West are. Read and enjoy!
1. The storm

The storm.

Narrator: The story begins with a girl named Yuna doing her chores.

Yuna: I wish my fairy godmother would come.

Narrator: Wrong story stupid!

Yuna: Whoops! I mean, oh, I wish my life were more exciting!

Narrator: Much better.

Yuna: Mother, I'm done with my chores!

Yuna's mother: Good, now you can do the next list of chores.

Yuna: Oh.

Narrator: Yuna starts to sing.

Yuna: Some where over the Rainbow.

Narrator: Ok, you are done.

Yuna: But I didn't even get to the chorus.

Narrator: Sorry, but your singing stinks! Ok, well, onto the story. Yuna went back to doing her chores when her mother came running toward her.

Yuna's mother: Yuna, go and hide, a big storm is coming, hurry!

Narrator: So Yuna did what her mother said and then hid, then, Yuna heard and felt a big crash and the room started to spin, then she saw the wicked Bitch of the West, Yunalesca and then landed in a strange place.

Yuna: I don't think we are is Besaid any more Toto….Toto, where the heck is Toto?

Narrator: Sorry, we haven't cast him yet, so you are going to have to improvise!

Yuna: Oh, ok, where the heck am I?

Narrator: After Yuna says her questions, she sees a floating Blitz ball coming toward her and then appears a strange man that Yuna has never seen before.

Yuna: Who are you?

Wakka: I am the good Wizard of the East, Wakka is the name and telling people who are lost where to go is my game ya!

Yuna: Wow, that's convenient, for you see, I am lost, do you know what I can do to get home?

Wakka: Well, no, but I do know that the Great Wizard of Spira can help you. He lives on the other side of Spira.

Yuna: And how do I get to the other side of Spira.

Narrator: And Wakka starts to sing.

Wakka: Follow the Yellow dirt road, follow the yellow dirt road, follow, follow, follow, follow, follow the yellow dirt road, ya.

Narrator: Hey, ya isn't part of the song!

Wakka: Well it is now ya.

Narrator: Fine. And now Yuna starts to skip on the yellow dirt road and starts singing.

Yuna: Follow the yellow dirt road, follow the yellow dirt road, follow, follow, follow, follow the yellow dirt road. I'm off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Spira, because, because, because, because of all of the wonderful things he does.


	2. The dumb blonde

The dumb blonde

Narrator: So Yuna leaves the Good Wizard and starts her journey.

Yuna: When can I stop skipping?

Narrator: Until I say so!

Yuna: And that is when.

Narrator: Right now.

Yuna: Thank god, wait a minute, I'm on a beach, why the heck am I on the beach.

Narrator: I'm getting to it. So as Yuna continues to walk on the yellow dirt road, she notices a boy floating in the ocean.

Yuna: Oh my, are you ok, what happened?

Tidus: I'll be fine it you can bring me to shore!

Yuna: Oh, yes.

Narrator: So Yuna gets into the water and pulls the young man out.

Tidus: Hey, thanks.

Yuna: Your welcome, by the way, why were you floating in the water, don't you know how to swim?

Tidus: Well, no, because I have no brain.

Yuna: Oh that's offal!

Narrator: And with that Tidus starts to sing.

Tidus: Oh if I only had a brain, I could try out for Blitz ball and make it, I could swim with out a problem, and make every girl fall in love with me, if I only had a brain!

Narrator: And then Yuna starts to sing as well.

Yuna: You could make me be attacked to you, and could save your self if you only had a brain!

Narrator: And with that Yuna asked.

Yuna: Hey, I'm going to go see the Wizard of Spira and ask him if he can send me home, so maybe he can also give you a brain, want to come?

Tidus: All right, lets get going!

Narrator: And then they start to sing again.

Yuna and Tidus: We are off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Spira because, because, because, because of all the wonderful things he does! Follow the yellow dirt road, follow the yellow dirt road, follow, follow, follow, follow the yellow dirt road.


	3. The heartless woman

The heartless woman

Narrator: After a while Tidus and Yuna stop for a break.

Tidus: Man who knew skipping could be so tiring!

Yuna: Tell me about it.

Narrator: As Tidus sat down by a tree he noticed a little walking doll stand right next to him.

Tidus: Oh, Hello there little doll, you are such a cute little doll!

Narrator: Tidus touches the little pom-pom on the dolls head and then the doll starts to chase him around a tree.

Tidus: Stop you little doll, who the heck is the owner of this thing.

Narrator: Just then a very pretty woman came out of the shadows.

Lulu: That would be me.

Yuna: Hello there, I'm Yuna, and this is Tidus, and well if you don't mind, can you please make your doll stop chasing poor Tidus.

Lulu: Very well then, stop moogle.

Narrator: And the moogle stopped.

Lulu: Hello, I'm Lulu, and sorry if I don't seem happy to meet you, but I don't have a heart. The wicked bitch of the west took it from me when more guys wanted to marry me than her!

Narrator: And then Lulu starts to sing.

Lulu: If I only had a heart I could maybe fall in love or get married, or make friends, if I only had a heart.

Narrator: Then Yuna and Tidus started to sing.

Tidus and Yuna: If you only had a heart then you could be the nicest person in the world, maybe love someone and become our friend if you only had a heart.

Lulu: If only, if only.

Narrator: And with this, Yuna gets an idea.

Yuna: LIGHT….bulb…. HEY, WHERE IS THE LITTLE LIGHT BULB, ITS SUPOSSED TO APPEAR WHEN I GET AN IDEA?

Narrator: Sorry, we are on a budget, so you are going to have to improvise some more!

Yuna: Fine. LIGHT BULB! Hey Lulu, why don't you come with Tidus and me, we are going to go see the great Wizard of Spira, and ask him to send me home.

Tidus: And I'm going to ask him if he can give me a brain, and then you can ask him for a heart.

Narrator: Lulu does not change the expression on her face.

Lulu: Just so you know, I'm really happy, really, really happy, I just can't express it because I don't have a heart, but that will change when we go see this Great Wizard of Spira.

Narrator: And again, they all start to sing.

Tidus, Yuna and Lulu: We are off to see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Spira, because, because, because, because of all the wonderful things he does. Follow the yellow dirt road, follow the yellow dirt road, follow, follow, follow, follow the yellow dirt road.


	4. The scared guardain

The scared guardian

Narrator: After a while, our three hero's reach the dark Makalania woods.

Yuna: It's really dark and scary in here!

Tidus: Do not worry Yuna, I will protect you from harm because I have a sword.

Yuna (sarcastically): Oh, I feel so safe, a guy with no brain is going to save me.

Lulu: Yes, and how are you going to save Yuna from Fiends, pyreflies, and more?

Tidus: I do not know! Wait a minute…… DID YOU SAY FIENDS, PYREFLIES, AND MORE!

Yuna: Oh-my.

Narrator: Sighs And again, they start to sing.

Lulu, Yuna and Tidus: Fiends, Pyreflies, and more, oh-my, fiends, pyreflies, and more, oh-my!

Narrator: Sorry to interrupt this song, but there is a rustle in the bushes if you have not noticed.

Tidus: There is?

Yuna: You are so hopeless!

Lulu: Good thing he is getting a brain soon.

Narrator: Eh-hem, the rustle in the bushes, is anyone sticking to the story!

Lulu, Yuna and Tidus: Oh, sorry!

Tidus: I wonder what/who can be in the bushes?

Lulu: Only one-way to find out, Moogle, pom-pom attack, GO!

Narrator: And after saying this, the moogle starts to attack the person in the bush.

Auron: Get off me you scary little thing you, leave me alone, please, die! Pretty please!

Narrator: Auron franticly waving his sword around finally cuts the moogle in half.

Lulu: MY MOOGLE, MY BEST FRIEND…..and yet I don't care.

Auron: You are heartless!

Lulu: YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME?

Auron: Um, no, I'm to scared.

Yuna: Why?

Auron: Because that god dam wicked jerk of the west took my god dam courage!

Yuna: The wicked Jerk of the West, I though it was the Wicked Bitch of the West, um Narrator.

Narrator: You will understand farther into the story. Now please, continue.

Tidus: Why are you so scared again.

Auron: Please no.

Narrator: Oh yes, and then Auron starts to sing.

Auron: But I don't want to sing, just because I lost my courage, does not mean I lost my tough personality or my pride.

Narrator: SING!

Auron: Ok. Sighs If I only had courage I could kill the narrator, kill the jerk of the west and kill anything that gets in my way, if I only had courage.

Narrator: Do I have to keep announcing this? Fine, and with that, Lulu, Tidus and Yuna start to sing.

Lulu, Tidus and Yuna: If you only had courage then you could fight any fiend that gets in your way and kill the wicked Bitch of the west, if you only had courage!

Narrator: And again, Yuna asks….

Yuna: Hey, the three of us are going to go see the great Wizard of Spira, maybe you can ask him to get your courage back!

Auron: Why not, I have tried everything else. AS LONG AS I DON'T HAVE TO SING ANYMORE!

Narrator: Sorry!

Auron: Dam!

Narrator: And again, they all start to sing!

Everyone: We are off to see the Wizard, the wonderful wizard of Spira because, because, because, because of all the wonderful things he does! Follow the yellow dirt road, follow the yellow dirt road, follow, follow, follow, follow the yellow dirt road.


	5. An evil plot

An evil plot

Narrator: Mean while, up in the Gagazet Mountains, the wicked jerk and the wicked Bitch of the west are planning a scheme.

Seymour: Oh sure, spoil it for everyone!

Narrator: I'm a narrator, its what I do!

Seymour: but you suck at it!

Narrator: Do not!

Seymour: Do too!

Narrator: Don't forget, I have powers, I can do things to you!

Seymour: like what?

Narrator: Like this!

Seymour: Nothing happened.

Narrator: You will see, ok, onto the story. Yunalesca walks into the room.

Yunalesca: GRRRRR, I AM SO MAD I COULD…. Burst out laughing .

Seymour: What's so funny?

Yunalesca: You are…you are, you are laughs even harder

Seymour: I'm what, I'm what, OUT WITH IT WOMAN!

Yunalesca: YOU ARE WEARING A PINK TO-TO!

Seymour: I'm what…..AHHHHHHHHH, WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME!

Narrator: Told you I have powers!

Yunalesca: Wait a minute, Seymour, where you fighting with the narrator?

Seymour: No.

Narrator: YES! DON'T MAKE ME TURN YOUR HAIR PINK!

Seymour: fine, yes.

Yuna: Um, excuse me, can we get back to the story.

Seymour, Yunalesca, and Narrator: Sorry!

Seymour: So, why are you so mad again?

Yunalesca: Oh right, well you see that stupid Yuna has my summoning staff and now I cant touch her!

Seymour: She does?

Yuna: I do?

Seymour: Hey, how did you get here, this isn't part of the story!

Yuna: I know, but I wanted to tell you that I never got Yunalesca's summoning staff!

Yunalesca: Didn't Wakka give it to you?

Yuna: Um no.

Wakka: Uh, sorry ya, I forgot, here you go Yuna.

Yuna: Thanks, ok, I'm leaving now!

Narrator: eh-hem, can we get back to the story.

Seymour and Yunalesca: Oh, right.

Seymour: Well then, if Yuna has your staff, then we are going to have to kid nap her, steal the staff, and then kill her and her friends, then once you get your staff back, then we can rule over all of Spira.

Yunalesca: Yes, I will get you my pretty, and your little/stupid boyfriend too, bwahahahahahah!

Seymour: But how?

Yunalesca: I know, we can plant some poisons moon lilies that will make them fall asleep, and then we can kidnap Yuna when they are sleeping and bring her here!

Seymour: Perfect, I'm glad I thought of it!

Yunalesca: Hey it was my plan!

Seymour: who cares!


	6. The wizard of Spira

The great wizard of Spira

Narrator: Now, back to our heroes!

Yuna: Hey look, up ahead, is that where the Wizard lives?

Lulu: Yes, that is the city of Beveile.

Yuna: that means we are almost there.

Auron: But first, we have to pass this scary field of moon lilies.

Lulu: So.

Auron: I'm scared of flowers!

Lulu: And yet again I don't care.

Yuna: Well come on, let's run through them so we can reach the city faster, right Tidus….Tidus? Where the heck is Tidus.

Tidus: Oooooo, pretty colors.

Lulu: Can we please just go through these stupid flowers so I don't have to be stuck with this idiot!

Narrator: All four of them step into the field of lilies.

Yuna: Ok, but first, can we take a nap? I'm tired!

Lulu: Why not.

Auron: Sure.

Narrator: And now Auron, Yuna and Lulu fall asleep.

Seymour: Hey, Tidus, why aren't you asleep?

Tidus: Well because to sleep, you have to tell your brain that you're tiered and well since I don't have a brain, I can't sleep, so yeah!

Seymour: Fine, I'm leaving, but I will come back and get Yuna when you die of Hunger or something like that.

Tidus: Ok then, later! Now what do I do?

Narrator: YOU IDIOT, IF YOU CAN'T FALL ASLEEP, THEN SAVE THE OTHERS!

Tidus: And how to I do that?

Narrator: Oh, I don't know, MAYBE YOU SHOULD GET ALL THE OTHERS OUT OF THE FIELD OF LILIES!

Tidus: But the lilies are so pretty, I don't want to leave them!

Narrator: Do you want to get a brain and marry Yuna or not!

Tidus: Ok, ok, I'll get them out of the field!

Narrator: Good boy. So anyways, Tidus brings the sleeping Yuna, Lulu and Auron out of the field and right outside the gate of Beveile. Then our three sleeping heroes wake up from their nap.

Yuna: What happened?

Narrator: Oh, the wicked Bitch of the West and the wicked Jerk of the west put a spell on the moon lilies to make you guys fall asleep so they could kidnap you, but when the spell didn't work on Tidus, he saved you guys.

Yuna: Oh Tidus, you are my hero!

Lulu: Yeah, yeah, can we just go in now!

Everyone else: Oh, right.

Narrator: So, Yuna knocks on the door and then the gatekeeper appears.

Pacce: Halt.

Yuna: Oh, what a cute little kid.

Pacce: I am sorry lady Yuna, but I cannot let you in unless you have a pass from Mr. Wakka sir.

Yuna: I don't have a pass, but Wakka did send me here!

Pacce: Sorry, but no pass, no entrance.

Wakka: Oh, sorry about that Yuna, I forgot again, ya, here you go!

Yuna: HA, see I have a pass now!

Pacce: Very well then, you can come in!

Narrator: So, Yuna, Tidus, Lulu and Auron walk into the city of Beveile, looking for the home of the Great Wizard of Spira.

Tidus: Where the heck is the home of the Great Wizard of Spira?

Auron: Oh, I don't know Tidus, MAYBE IF WE READ THIS SIGN THAT READS "GREAT WIZARD OF SPIRA'S HOME THIS WAY"!

Lulu: Come on, let's go!

Auron: Right behind you!

Yuna: Wait for me!

Tidus: Where are we going again?

Narrator: And after Tidus saying this, Yuna slaps him!

Yuna: I don't want to slap Tidus!

Narrator: YOU WILL SLAP HIM OR FACE THE CONSEQUENCES!

Yuna: Sorry Tidus. slap

Narrator: Ok then, so our four heroes walk into the Great Wizard of Spira's home.

Yuna: Oh great wizard, please, we have came from such a long journey, looking for you to help us!

Rikku: WIZARD! I AM NOT A GUY, I AM A GIRL! DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO WATCH THIS WHOLE STORY TILL NOW AND HEAR BEING CALLED A GUY! I AM THE WITCH OF SPIRA, THE WITCH!

Yuna: You're the wiz-I mean witch of Spira?

Rikku: Yep, I'm the witch of Spira, so what can I do for you.

Tidus: I thought it was The Wizard of Spira, um, narrator, a little help.

Narrator: Well, you see, we couldn't find another guy for this part, so we though Rikku was the next best thing!

Rikku: Yep, so Yunie, what can I do for you?

Yuna: Well, me and my friends where wondering if you can send me home, get Tidus a brain, Lulu a heart and Auron his courage back?

Rikku: Oh, well, you see, I would, but I can't!

Lulu, Yuna, Auron and Tidus: WHAT!

Rikku: Well, you see, Seymour and Yunalesca stole all my powers/items, so if you want me to help you, then you have to kill them both, and after you do that, I'll grant you any wishes you want!

Lulu: Well then, lets get going then!

Auron: Ok, but what if we don't make it?

Rikku: Don't worry, I'm coming too, so if Yunalesca and Seymour attack anyone it's going to be either Yunie or me!

Yuna: Oh yeah, I feel much better now!

Narrator: Just as our five heroes walk out of Beveile, Yunalesca comes and kidnaps Yuna.

Yunalesca: Got-ya!

Narrator: Yunalesca uses one of Rikku's smoke bombs that she stole and then Yunalesca and Yuna disappear.

Tidus: YUNA!

Rikku: Don't worry, we will get her back, we just have to go to their hide out.

Auron: Which would be where exactly?

Lulu: Up in the mountains!

Tidus: Let's go!


	7. The ending

The ending

Narrator: So, our four heroes go to the Gagazet Mountains to get Yuna back.

Lulu: Look, up in the peck of the mountain, there is a castle, and I'm betting that Yuna is in the tallest tower?

Auron: What makes you so sure.

Rikku: Well, that is always where the bad guys prison their prisoners.

Lulu: Right, come on!

Narrator: Auron does not move.

Rikku: Well, aren't you coming?

Auron: I can't with out my courage, and I hate myself for acting like this, I hate being afraid of everything.

Rikku: Well, the only way I can get your courage back is if we kill Seymour and Yunalesca! So come on!

Auron: Fine, lets go.

Narrator: So Lulu, Tidus, Auron and Rikku climb the mountain and into the castle.

Rikku: Wow, that was easy, usually the bad guys have all these guards and goons to have us fight with to keep us from spoiling their plan.

Narrator: Well yes, usually they do, but since we are on a budget, well, yeah!

Lulu: Come on, we are almost to the tower!

Narrator: So our four heroes start running up all the stairs.

Rikku: Man, I shouldn't have worn high heels, my feet are killing me!

Lulu: Ever tried to run in a dress! Believe me, its not easy!

Auron: Will you two stop complaining, we are almost there!

Tidus: Look, there is the door, I'm coming Yuna!

Narrator: Just then( pause for suspense) Seymour and Yunalesca magically appear in front of the door, blocking our hero's way!

Lulu: Move.

Yunalesca: Never!

Tidus: Well then, I'll make you, there is no way you can stop me!

Seymour: Oh yeah, we will see about that… What is 2+2?

Tidus: I, um, is it, um, 3, no, that's not right, 7, no not that, I know its, um, um…

Narrator: Tidus keeps mumbling while the others are ready to fight.

Lulu: Rikku.

Rikku: Yes.

Lulu: Go down the stairs and get a pail of water and the keys to open the door.

Rikku: You mean I have to walk all the way back down the stairs!

Lulu: just go!

Rikku: Ok then! Good luck!

Auron: Why does she get to go?

Lulu: Because, she is useless with out her magic, unlike you, you can us your sword!

Auron: But what if I can't?

Lulu: Then Yunalesca and Seymour will kill us and then Rikku!

Auron: NO!

Narrator: Auron, some how wanting to protect Rikku, killed Seymour in one hit.

Yunalesca: NOOOOO, YOU KILLED ME BROTHER!

Lulu: YOR BROTHER!

Yunalesca: long story!

Lulu: Oh, right, well then, this is for taking my heart! DIE!

Narrator: Lulu knocks Yunalesca out!

Auron: Man, that was easier than I thought!

Rikku: I'm back gasps for breathe with gasps for breathe the keys gasps for breathe and the water!

Lulu: great, now pour the water on Yunalesca, she will melt and then you can get your powers back!

Rikku: Right!

Narrator: So Rikku pours the pail of water on Yunalesca and then she melts away!

Lulu: Now we free Yuna!

Tidus: YUNA!

Narrator: So, Tidus unlocks Yuna from the dark chamber.

Tidus: Are you ok?

Yuna(crying): NOOOOOOO, I BROKE A NAIL!

Tidus: NOOOOOOOOOOO!

Lulu: man, this is pathetic!

Rikku: Come on, let's get back to my house, so I can grant you your wishes!

Auron, Lulu, Yuna and Tidus: Right.

Narrator: So, our five heroes go back to Rikku's home, but first they…….SING!

Everyone: Follow the yellow dirt road, follow the yellow dirt road, follow, follow, follow, follow, follow the yellow dirt road.

Narrator: At Rikku's house.

Rikku: So, Tidus, you want a brain, very well then I will give you a brain!

Narrator: Nothing happens.

Yuna: Why didn't anything happen?

Rikku: Tidus, come here a second.

Tidus: Sure.

Narrator: Rikku looks into Tidus's head.

Rikku: Oh, there's the problem, Tidus, you have a brain, one that's the size of a peanut, but a brain. Ok, so who's next?

Lulu: I guess me!

Rikku: Ok Lulu!

Narrator: A purple swirl surrounds Lulu.

Rikku: So?

Lulu: So what?

Rikku: Do you feel any different?

Lulu: No, HEY, WAIT A MUNIUTE, ARE YOU SURE IT WORKED?

Rikku: Well, there is only one way to find out, oh Wakka.

Narrator: Wakka walks in.

Wakka: Lu, will you marry me?

Lulu: Oh yes, of course I will….HEY IT WORKED, I CAN LOVE!

Rikku: Yep, I'm good, ok Auron, your next.

Narrator: Another purple light surrounds Auron.

Rikku: Well.

Auron: It worked.

Rikku: How can you tell?

Auron: Because I'm brave enough to ask you to marry me!

Rikku: Oh Auron!

Yuna: eh-hem, what about me?

Rikku: Oh, yeah, ok to get home, tap your staff on the ground three times and repeat, there is no place like home, there is no place like home.

Yuna: Ok, come on Tidus.

Tidus: Coming my love!

Narrator: So, Yuna and Tidus went to Yuna's home, Auron and Rikku got married and so did Wakka and Lulu and everyone lived happily ever after.

Lulu: This is the cheesiest ending I have ever heard!

Auron: I have to agree!

Narrator: Hey, at least you got what you wanted!

Lulu: Yeah, but there could have been a little more don't you think!

Narrator: And again, we are on a budget!

Lulu and Auron: sighs Never mind!

The end!

Kimahri: Wait, I am here for the part of Toto.

Narrator: Um, well sorry, but the story is over.

Kimahri: NOOOOOOOO!


End file.
